A little background about me…I’m a mother of 8. I bore 5 children and adopted 3 and have been divorced for over 13 years.

It’s safe to say that after being in a toxic marriage and dealing with all of these kids, I’ve said words that absolutely did not build up. They probably sounded like tearing down, to be honest. I’m not proud of that but life sure does have a way, sometimes, of changing you and the things you say. Now, I’ve been a Christian for many years and have studied a lot of the Bible and know what a lot of it says, but I’ve become weak in this area of the words that I speak. I’m not a negative person, by any means, but I can sure be a harsh one, and mostly to the people I love most, because, if I’m being honest, they are the only ones who can really get to me and affect me.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with an issue with one of my children and I don’t know how to deal with my emotions about it all. I’m angry and not gonna lie, I’m mean. Especially, when feeling the way I’ve been feeling. I want this kid to be punished to the full extent of the law and cast out of everywhere!

I know… harsh, but honest. But that’s how I feel.

And then, I hear that still, small voice, whispering to my spirit…”you probably should have been punished like this many times, but you weren’t.” It’s hard to feel those feelings and then hear the voice of the Holy Spirit telling you how it is!

This is the struggle.

Being human and having this human experience, all the while, also being able to hear the Holy Spirit speak so loud and clear to you. All I can think or cry out to God is, “How, Lord?! How do I do this?! How do I live in this world and truly not act like the world?! Cause what I really want to do is fight and yell and hurt those who are causing hurt!”

Then I calm down.

I hear that voice again. “You can do this. I have you.”

It’s then when I’m reminded of scripture.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” – Proverbs 18:21

More scriptures come to mind, I start to study them, and more and my spirit is calm. Until I see this person or someone makes a wrong move. Hey, I’m human, remember! Here’s the thing, I believe that’s why Jesus said, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23) He knew we would suffer in this world. No one is exempt from life. It hurts sometimes. But He also knew that if we look to Him as our example, then we can do it, just like He did. I’m writing this as an encouragement, to myself and to all of you. I know it’s hard out there, sometimes. I know that sometimes the hurt is too painful, and it seems easier to just give up or shut down or fight back, but keep pressing on.

That said, what are the words you are speaking about this situation or person or whatever it is you’re dealing with? I’m learning that the more I talk about the situation, the more it keeps me in this state of anger, which soon can turn to bitterness. I know. I feel my heart hardening a little more, with every word I speak about these negative situations, and I don’t want that. I want my fruit to be good and every word I say will determine what fruit I produce and eat, thereof.

Here’s some scriptures I wrote down in my study. I hope they speak to you and that you become changed by them. I’m praying for us all.

Jesus turned first to His disciples and warned them, “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees – their hypocrisy. The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made know to all. Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!” – Luke 12:1-3

“And I tell you this, you must give account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.” – Matthew 12:36

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit, thereof. – Proverbs 18:21

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. – Ephesians 4:29

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:31-32

“But the words you speak come from the heart – that’s what defiles you.” – Matthew 15:18

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. – Proverbs 12:18

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which bunds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. – Colossians 3:5, 8, 12-13, 14-15

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered Himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. – Ephesians 5:1-2