Well, I believe I just realized what my true calling is, today… and that is, to be a mom.

For those of you who know me and know that I have 8 kids, you’re probably thinking, “and you just now figured that out???” Yes, I did just now figure that out. Lately, I’ve been praying for my calling, sort of already knowing or thinking I knew what it was…. become a motivational public speaker and entrepreneur who will go on to start my own church and eventually have my own production company and clothing line and my own show. You know… nothing too crazy.

In deep conversation with God while driving home from work, it hit me. All these images of times past where I felt like a mother and remembered a vision that I had where I was helping kids, came up. ‘Is this what God has truly called me to do??’ is all I kept thinking, after that.

It was like every memory came up, one by one…

I got pregnant at 14 and felt forced, at the time, to have an abortion. That changed me. I felt like my soul had died that day and wasn’t the same for a very long time. I didn’t care about anything after that. God reminded me, today, that I felt that way because I had the heart of a mother even then. I also thought about how, whenever I’ve taught in children’s ministry at church, I’ve always been more drawn to what most would call “troubled” kids and just wanting to reach out and help them more. I thought about how a few of the kids in the youth class call me “Mom”, and how one night when going out with some young coworkers, and most times when out, I was watching to make sure everyone was okay. (You parents out there know how that is when we got our radar on and watching everything and everyone). And what I’ve recently realized about my new kids (I just adopted 3 kids)… the day that I believe God made me their mother… It was almost 2 years before ever even adopting them. I got home from work and they were sitting in a vehicle crying because of things going on with their birth parents. I remember my heart going out to those kids so much and sitting with them and praying with them. I hated to see them hurting like that and all I wanted to do was help them. I feel that way whenever I see kids who are hurting, emotionally. And how on the day their dad passed away, the Hospice chaplain gave me a light blue prayer shawl and told me it represents motherhood.

The crazy thing is, I always thought I didn’t like kids very much and surely didn’t think I’d ever adopt any. But God, obviously, had a different plan. In my conversation with God, today, and after realizing all this, I asked Him, “But, why would You call me??”… The person who would say she doesn’t even like kids, sometimes. The mom that probably yells and cusses a little too much, sometimes. “Why me? I don’t even think I’m worthy of that title of Mother, many times.”

I didn’t hear an audible voice from God, but all those memories that came up, I believe, were His way of letting me know who and what I truly am.

I will never be a perfect mom. But, just like my mom, who only wanted and tried to do the best for her kids, no matter what – even if she didn’t know that it may even hurt them – I believe that is the heart of a mother, whether you have children of your own or not, to want the best for them and to do all we can for them. We will get it wrong, probably more times than we think, but we will never stop. Because that’s what a mother (parent) does…. they love.